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عتاب النفس

إلياس سعيد

28 مايو، 2018
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يداك مقيدتان، عيناك مغلقتان، اصمت! قلت لك مراراً لا تشرب من ماء البحر ، يداك سيحميهما الإله ، عيناك سيفتحهما الشيطان، يجب أن لا تنام لأنك ستحلم بالموت وستصحو كما قلت لك صامتاً.
لا تقرأ، ضع الكتاب في حقيبتي القديمة، لا حقيبتي القديمة جداً، مزق أوراق الكتاب القديم، لا تتحجج، مزقه هيا، لا أريد قراءة الماضي، ابحث عن الكتاب الجديد في القبو المظلم ولن تحتاج لنور الشمس، لا تتحجج وابحث هيا دون فتح الأبواب، لا تحمل معك المطرقة ولا فأس جدك، لا تتحجج.
افتح النافذة، وانظر للقمر والنجوم، سأغلق النافذة، لا تنظر، ستصيبك الحمى، القمر مكتمل والبحر هائج والجنون على عتبة بابك، فقط اشرب من كأسي واقرأ الكتاب الجديد في القبو المظلم، لا تشعل شمعة ولا تفتح عيناك، وحذاري من تقليب الصفحات بالطريقة التي أكرهها، لا تضع لعابك على الصفحات الجديدة، يجب عليك فقط أن تنام بين السطور.
لا تحدثني عن الحب والسلام وما قاله زرادشت، قل لي: كيف المومسات؟ حدثني عن مسامرتهن للقمر وانتظار الرجال على سرير الحب. لذة تجتاحني وتزيد رغبتي في كأس شراب خارجي، ليت الكتب تعطينا ما نريده، ليتها تسقنا شربة ماء، ارفع صوت الموسيقى إذاً ودعنا ننسى نيتشه و محمد عبدالولي ونجيب محفوظ وكتب الفيزياء والسماء، ارفعه أكثر، أريد أن أرقص وأصرخ حتى تسمعني المومسات .. أيتها العاهرات أنا لا أقرأ الكتب القديمة، ولا أعرف معنى السلام، وأنت أيها الفاجر لا معنى لك أو قيمة، اصمت إذاً أو اعطني كوباً من القبو المظلم، سأشرب من نهود العاهرات شراباً لا ظمأ بعده أبداً.
غربتك قهر، وعبوديتك صراع، وموتك سعادة أبدية، لن تموت أبداً، قل لي كيف ذلك؟ أسألك فأجبني.. أيها التافه الحقير الافتراضي، ليتني أستطيع قتلك ولكني أحب الحياة، وأعشق الموسيقى والرقص ولا أحب السعادة، الجنون والموت من يجلبهما، الحياة ليست كذلك؛ إنها عهر وسجن إله والنور شيطان السماء المعارض لا محالة سيعرف مقصده في خاتمة القصيدة الإلهية، التي مازالت السماء تخط سطورها بالذهب والألماس الذي لا يمحى .
ضع كأسي واشرب من خلجان الأرض، افعل كل ما تريد، عدا ماء البحر حذاري أن تشرب منه، وإلا لن تصنع ذاكرتي المقدسة أبداً..
اعطني الحقيبة القديمة، لا الحقيبة القديمة جداً، اكتب ما سأقوله في هذه الأوراق … كنت بلا وطن وعلمت بأني بلا ذاكرة و أتمنى أن لا أعرف بأني لست موجوداً.

*لوحة الفنان المصري محمد حجي

اظهر المزيد

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